Deal With the Devil
by xXCobalt Kitsune-chanXx
Summary: Toushirou has had it with the rumors and nonsense about him not being able to get a girlfriend. So he accepts an offer from Matsumoto who wants to 'help' him win the love of one special young lady. But, what happens when she settles on Kuchiki Rukia? H/R
1. Chapter 1

A/N- I've realized that there are some major kinks to work out in Strictly Professional, so it'll be a while before I update it. In that period of time I'll be working on this new story. Here goes nothing...

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Chapter 1: Sell Your Soul

Since the Winter War, not much had happened in the Soul Society. It was peaceful and quiet, the way it was meant to be. But, as fate would have it, another crisis came into play...

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT MATSUMOTO!?" the youngest captain in the Gotei 13, Hitsugaya Toushirou, yelled at his lieutenant.

Matsumoto sighed as she told her taichou the news she had just heard.

"I heard from Izuru, who heard from Hisagi, who talked to Renji about you and the fact that the day you got a girlfriend, Yamamoto-soutaichou would grow an afro." She took a deep inhale of air as she finished her 'report'.

Honestly, if Rangiku had known that her taichou would be this upset about her latest tidbit of gossip, she would've kept her mouth shut. But, being the woman she was, she just had to tell it to the one person who'd take the most offense.

Toushirou, however, was fuming at the fact that people were talking about his inability to improve the state of his love life. I mean, wasn't his personal life supposed to be private? Apparently not.

"Why would you and your cohorts be talking about this? Shouldn't you people be doing something else...wait, didn't I give you paperwork earlier today?" Toushirou glared at his fukutaichou.

Matsumoto silently panicked. She had blown off the paperwork to go to the local bar with Izuru and Hisagi, hiding the paperwork under the sofa in her taichou's office.

"Umm, gee, see the thing is..." Suddenly, an idea popped into Matsumoto's mind. Her lips curved into a familiar Cheshire cat smile and her grey tinted eyes sparkled with mischief. "Hey, taichou...do you want to know how to get a girlfriend?"

Toushirou's eyes widened at his lieutenant's sudden change in attitude. He felt his ears grow a bit red at Matsumoto's offer. Finally, regaining his normal captain stature, he answered with a sophisticated and intelligent, "Huh?"

Matsumoto's grin widened even further. "Come on, taichou. Haven't you ever wanted to have a girl that you can just grab and start mak-"

"Stop right there, Matsumoto or I'll assign you five times the amount of paperwork I normally give you" Toushirou glared at her, however, the mischievous look did not leave Matsumoto's face.

"All I'm saying is that if you have girlfriend then all the rumors, jokes, and gossip about you never finding a girlfriend without using eHarmony will disappear." Toushirou's ears perked up at the comment. How he'd like to show them all...

"How do you plan to help me get a girlfriend?" Matsumoto waved off his question.

"Oh, don't worry about that, taichou. I'll handle all of the dirty work" Toushirou rolled his eyes.

"Who do you plan to use as my 'girlfriend'?" He made air quotes around the word 'girlfriend'.

"Well, I was thinking someone pretty, sweet, tolerant of mean taichous, and most important of all, someone around your height." A tick mark appeared on Toushirou's forehead.

Matsumoto tapped her chin, deep in thought. "Who to choose, who to choose...I GOT IT! Rukia-chan!"

Toushirou's ears colored again. "What?"

Rangiku smiled happily and clasped her hands together in a day dreamy fashion. "Oh, it'd be perfect. I can just see it now, you two walking air park holding hands, catching her in a warm embrace as she falls, you professing you undying love for her on a beach during sunset while Free Willy leaps out from the ocean, splashing you two with a small mist of water..."

The tick mark grew. Toushirou's cheeks burned at all his fukutaichou's crazy rambling. "Matsumoto, are you delusional?"

Rangiku snapped out of her dreamscape and shook her head. "Taichou, I'm telling you I can see a WONDERFUL future for you and Rukia...and I can help you win her heart. You know you like the Kuchiki heir, I've seen you ogling her a-"

"MATSUMOTO!" Toushirou was positive his face's color just about rivaled a firetruck. Rangiku waved her hands in a surrendering matter.

"Okay, okay, taichou. If you wanna remain a cold, icy bachelor you whole life then be my guest." Toushirou sighed as he thought of his possible life as an eternal single.

"Matsumoto, do you seriously think you get Kuchiki to be my," Toushirou coughed. "girlfriend."

Rangiku nodded. Her grin was transforming itself to a deranged smile of doom. "Taichou, come on give it a chance!"

"But what if..."

"Lonely-"

"What if..."

"Single-"

"I just don't..."

"eHarmony member." That was the final straw. Toushirou sighed.

"Alright...Matsumoto...I accept your...offer." Forcing down his pride and pushing out the words, Toushirou sold his soul.

"Excellent!"

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A/N-Heh, how was that. I kinda got the idea of a lonely eHarmony (dot com) member from a classmate of mine. I made a lot of mean jokes about poor, lil' Shiro-chan. FORGIVE ME, TOUSHIROU! XD. Hah, Free Willy, that idea was from watching a bit of South Park...Free Willyzx. Was it good, bad, improvement from the previous? Tell me please! If you've made it this far, then stop reading and review!


	2. Romance for Retards

A/N-...*munches on cookies*...my cookie. Thanks for all the nice reviews guys. (and critique. T.T) In all honesty, I'm not going to make the chapters that long, my style is nice and short, but I'll tweak it a bit to make it longer. And more in depth.

Disclaimer-Bleach? Sure...I use it in my laundry sometimes :P But no, me no own...

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Chapter 2: Romance for Retards

Rukia sighed. The day had been so boring. Ukitake-taichou had been more ill than usual today and hadn't been able to assign many missions, he was spending most of his time at the fourth division getting his weekly check up. She wondered if sometimes Ukitake-taichou faked his symptoms just to be near Unohana-taichou, he always speemed quite cheerful when he got back from his regular appointments.

The thirteenth squad's barracks were quiet and peaceful for once, but that was only because Kiyone and Sentaro were having their daily squabble somewhere else. Most of the shinigami in that division had been given a day off due to their taichou's lack of health.

She sat on the floorboards of the squad barrack's porch, leaning against the wall she sitting pulled her knees to her chin and slowly exhaled. Her fingers drumming in a consecutive beat. Her eyes darted from left to right, they seemed to be searching for something or someone.

"Where is he?" Rukia asked to herself. The wind began picking up, stands of her raven hair flying up near her face and tickling her cheeks. Rukia raised a hand haphazardly to smooth her hair back in place. Her stomack growled loudly, Rukia put a hand over it in a manner to settle it.

"Hungry?" Rukia stiffened, looking around for the source of the voice. Her eyes spotted something pink of the roof of the building.

Kyouraku-taichou.

Only he would wear a pink kimono over his captain's haori. That and who else would spend half their day on the roof hiding from their fukutaichous? Only him. Rukia rose to bow to him, though he probably didn't notice, being on the roof and all.

"Er, no...Kyouraku-taichou." She noticed him raising his hand and gesturing over at her to join him up on the roof. She quickly complied, landing swiftly on her feet bent down, still in a bowing position. He smiled at her, chuckling at her behavior towards him. Rukia's brows furrowed when she heard his small laugh, raising her head a bit higher she asked, "Sir?"

Kyouraku simply nodded. He waited a bit before answering her. "I'm not your older brother, Rukia-chan. You don't have to bow like that in my presence...just once in a while so I can feel special."

Rukia blushed, raising her head a bit she gave him a small smile. "Gomen, Kyouraku-taichou."

"That's better. Hmm, you've got a nice smile Rukia-chan. Almost as pretty as my Nanao-chan." Rukia looked to the side, not used to being praised on her smiles by a person of his rank. She quietly muttered a thank you.

"Umm. Kyouraku-taichou, if you don't mind me asking. Where is Nanao-fukutaichou?" Kyouraku tapped his chin, trying to remember where he ditched his lieutenant at.

"Huh. I'm not all that sure, but hopefully she won't find me. Rukia-chan, who are you waiting for?" Rukia bit her lip, debating whether or whether not she should tell him who she was waiting for. Kyouraku observed her expression and made a guess. "Is it a boy?"

Rukia blushed bright red. Shaking her hands wildly, she shook her head and tried to explain. "A b-boy? No-no-no-no-no! It's not like that..." Rukia's eyes feel to the shingles of the roof they were sitting on. "Well, you see. Ichigo told me that there's a magical bunny that hands out chocolate eggs and I thought that, maybe if I waiting long enough...he'd come. I'm starting to think that he was lying..."

Kyouraku blinked. Then a childish grin spread across his face. "Oh, you're talking about the Easter Bunny. Um, Rukia-chan..you do know that it's near the end of July. Easter Day, as they call it in the world of the living, is held sometime in April, I think."

Rukia looked down again, trying to conceal her embarrassment. "Oh...thank you, Kyouraku-taichou."

She laughed nervously. However, in the inside, she was silently plotting to kill Ichigo. How dare he tell her that 'if you go outside when it's really sunny and warm outside, you might be able to see the _magical_ Easter Chappy.' That jerk, he'd pay for lying about something as sacred as Chappy the Bunny.

Suddenly, Rukia felt her nose itch, a couple seconds later she sneezed. Kyouraku tipped his hat lower. "You know, Rukia-chan, some say that if you sneeze that means that someone is talking about you."

Rukia wiped slightly red nose with the back of her hand. "Oh. Well, if that someone is Ichigo, I'd don't believe it."

Kyouraku chuckled. Rukia felt her nose begin to twitch again. "Aa...achoo!"

Kyouraku simply grinned. "Seems like someone really likes to talk about you."

Rukia sniffled. Another sneeze was coming soon, she could feel it. "Excuse me, Kyouraku-taichou...ahh...achoo!"

She got up and shunpoed away, leaving Kyouraku laying there with his small, knowing grin. "Wonder what lucky fella is talking about Rukia-chan."

"THERE YOU ARE, KYOURAKU!!!" A shirll, angry voice broke through the silence after Rukia had left. Kyouraku looked up. Uh-oh, it was Nanao. Lifting his hands up nervously in effort to calm her down. It failed.

"Uh...now, now, Nanao-chan..." His eyes widened slightly. "Hey, when did you get a new fan...wait...don't-"

* * *

Matsumoto giggled maniacally as she dragged her captain out of his office. This caused Toushirou to consider the state of her mentality. She had run in all of the sudden, her face red with excitement and adrenaline, screaming about true love and a book. Hmph. Since when did Matsumoto have an interest in reading?

"Oh, taichou~, it's wonderful, absolutely WONDERFUL!" She said as she pulled Toushirou by his sleeve, out of the tenth division barracks. He tried several times to pull his hand out of her grip but all proved pointless since she was obviously hell-bent on taking him to this 'wonderful, magical, enchanting place,'. Why'd did he accept her offer. After all there was not much between him and the talk-abouted Kuchiki princess. Hell, before the whole incident with her almost execution, he had only known that Rukia was Kuchiki Byakuya's younger sister.

"What the devil are you talking about, Matsumoto?!" She paused for a moment, as though she'd forgotten the reason for dragging him out of his quarters. Then a light came on over her head, metaphorically speaking.

"We're going to this place in the Rukon district that I found while searching for the new bar, it has something in its stock that may be the answer to all your problems! Isn't that just great?! Toushirou stared her with his trademark scowl plastered upon his face.

"Yet again...didn't I hand you some paperwork earlier this evening?" Matsumoto pouted.

"Aww come on taichou, we're on the quest for TRUE LOVE!" She stuck a heroic position, Toushirou sweatdropped slightly. "Isn't that more important than some fuddy-duddy paperwork?"

"No." Toushirou deadpanned.

"Hmph, you're no fun...I mean, someone else always does the paperwork that I don't do. Can't they just keep on doing that?" She began walking again, pulling Toushirou along with her.

"Matsumoto, that someone is me."

"Oh...I always thought that it was some magical elves that do paperwork. You know, like in that story where the midgets fixed shoes for that one guy." A small tick mark appeared on Toushirou's forehead.

"Midgets?" He said with a slight undertone of threat evident in his voice. Matsumoto waved him off.

"Sorry. I meant vertically challenged people." The tick got larger.

"MATSUM-" She cut him off.

"Look, taichou! We're here!" She pointed for extra enthusiasm. Toushirou sighed and took a look at the building she was pointing at. It was a small, boarded up shack, with no windows and no door. Just a sign that said W.S.A.

"Where the hell are we?" Matsumoto motioned for him to be silent. She knelt against the ground and knocked on it ten times to the beat of the "Milkshake" song. Toushirou didn't recognize the tune but simply quirked a white eyebrow at her action. Then, like magic, the square of ground she had knocked on sunk into the ground, disappearing along the way in the darkness. Matsumoto glanced over at her captain who had an astonished expression on his face, she smirked and stood up.

"Follow me, taichou." With that se leptinto the underground tunnel. Toushirou walked up the block of pitch black and hesitantly jumped in.

_several seconds of falling later..._

Matsumoto landed agilely on her feet and moved over to wait for her captain, who was still in the tunnel falling. Finally he came down through the opening on the ceiling of the cavern, landing on his butt. She stifled a laugh as Toushirou glared at her. He looked around the area trying to figure out where in the Seiretei they were currently under.

"Where are we?" he asked. Matsumoto pointed to a large sign to the left of them.

**WOMANS' SHINIGAMI ASSOCIATION**

"Oh." Matsumoto began walking again with Toushirou following closely behind. She was strangely silent during the time they spent walking in the ill-lit cavern. The only source of light was the occassional torch. They continued to walk for a good ten minutes before the two reached an enormous room.

The room was painted a royal shade of lilac, a few paintings ranging from impressionist to abstract hanging on the walls. The ceiling had a mosiac like decoration showing a scene from "Romeo and Juliet", the balcony scene to be exact, a grand, crystal and gold chandlier hanging precariously from a small looking golden chain. The carpet was a soft pink color and was soft to the touch. A white conference table near one of the corners, the other areas of the room were dedicated to things such as stuffed animals, make up stations, a small kitchen, large walk-in closet, soda and popcorn machines. In the center of the room was a huge crystal fountain gushing milk chocolate from two pitchers held by two angels. It was quite the elaborate set up.

"Welcome to the Womans' Shinigami Association, taichou. This is one of the smaller meeting areas." Toushirou's eyes widened.

"Small?! This room is enormous!" Matsumoto looked at him in disbelief.

"Uh...believe me, taichou. There are a lot more meeting areas that are ten times the size of this room right here." Toushirou shook his head, still trying to digest all the information. Suddenly, dozens of female shinigami appeared in the room. One of them was Isane.

"Rangiku-san? What are you doing here so early? The meetings don't start until-ah!" Isane noticed the tenth division captain standing next to Matsumto. "Hitsugaya-taichou? Wha-what are you doing at a Womans' Shinigami Association meeting?" Toushirou scowled.

"That's exactly what I'd like to know. Matsumoto, care to give us some light in this topic?" Matsumoto smiled sheepishly. She leaned over to Isane and whispered something into her ear. Isane's eyes widened, her lips were slowly curving.

"Aww, that's so romantic! Hitsugaya-taichou you LIKE Rukia-san?" she gushed. Toushirou simply turned away, scowling and blushing at the same time. Matsumoto grinned.

"Well, he didn't say no. By the way, Isane. Where's the President?" Isane shrugged.

"I don't know. She always arrives late."

"Oh, well, is Rukia-chan here?" Toushirou turned to hear Isane's answer.

"No. She told me that she had some 'waiting' to do." Matsumoto smiled.

"Great, we need to keep this a secret from Rukia-chan anyways." Isane smiled back. A puff of pink smoke erupted from the entry, when the smoke cleared Yachiru stood there with her hands in a victory sign.

"Hiya everyone! Sorry I'm late, Ken-chan needed some directions again and he-WHITEY-CHAN?" A familiar tick mark appeared on Toushirou's forehead.

"That's Hitsugaya-taichou to you." Yachiru ran over to Toushirou and tackled him, pushing both him and her to the ground.

"Why are you here at a W.S.A. meeting?" she asked good naturedly. Toushirou pushed her off of his chest and got up and dusted himself off.

"That is what I want to know. Matsumoto?" His icy gaze fell onto Matsumoto, who leaned down to Yachiru's ear and whispered something into her ear. Just like Isane, her eyes widened with surprise and her lips curved into a small smile.

"Ohh...Whitey-chan's got the hots for Rukia-chan." she spoke as if she had just been asked what color the sky was. Toushirou's face turned beat red.

"I DO NOT HAVE THE 'HOTS' FOR RUKIA-CHAN-I MEAN, KUCHIKI!!!" The room got quiet. Then as though a fuse had been lit, everyone began whispering. Toushirou realized the audacity of his words and got silent. Matsumoto, Yachiru, and Isane were standing next to him, barely containing their laughter. Matsumoto was the first to recover, she turned to Yachiru.

"Anyways...heh...do you think I could borrow 'that book'?" Yachiru's face quickly got serious as she looked over at Matsumoto, observing her expressions. Finally after a few moments of thought, Yachiru spoke.

"Very well. I presume you will be using 'that book' to get Whitey-chan and Rukia-chan together, right?" Matsumoto nodded. Yachiru nodded as well and shunpoed away in the same puff of pink smoke she appeared in. Toushirou stood there confused about what 'that book' meant.

"What are you talking about? What book?" Matsumoto didn't answer. Instead, Isane did.

"You'll see, Hitsugaya-taichou." Toushirou's brows knitted together. Finally Yachiru returned, she was holding a package wrapped in a blue, silk cloth. Yachiru cleared her throat.

"Behold...the single greatest book that was ever created...for years it has helped men and women fall in true, eternal love...Romance for Retards!!!!" Toushirou sweatdropped.

"WHAT?!" Yachiru unwrapped the small package. It was a medium sized book, with a decent amount of pages. Its cover was yellow with a black band with the title. A picture of a dorky guy with circular glasses giving a thumbs up sign was on the left corner. In the right corner was some writing. 'The full proof method for getting the girl of your dreams, working in just ten days or your money back free!'

"See, Whitey-chan, full proof, and works in just ten days too. By that time you'll have a girlfriend that's as short as you."

Sigh.

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A/N- There..yawn...I'm tired from staring at the laptop screen for so long. My eyes are soo sleepy. Please leave a review. Thanks.


	3. His Name Is DWalt!

A/N- Well, uh, guess I'm pretty late with this update, huh? *sweatdrop* Uhm, so here's hoping this chapter will please you guys. Thanks so much for the reviews, they really cheered me up and motivated me to work on this one.

Disclaimer- I don't own Bleach, nor will I ever!

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Chapter 3- His Name is !!!

**Woman's Shinigami Association**

Yachiru held the book up for everyone to see. The medium-sized paperback and all its glory shone down upon those looking towards it. The women in the room all gazed upon it with amazement and wonder.

'How long is she gonna keep holdingthat thingup? Aren't her arms getting tired?' Toushirou thought to himself, not really entranced by the sight of the paperback. He looked around him. Practically every woman in the room had stopped what they were doing to stare at the book. 'Maybe it's time for me to leave...' He began inching towards the door.

"Taichou! Where are you going?" Matsumoto asked, the first to snap out of the hypnotism. 'Damn, so close.'

"Ahh..." Toushirou said, not really sure what to say. Matsumoto walked over and grabbed him by the arm, and pulled the boy back to Yachiru's side.

"Yachiru. We're ready to start!" she said excitedly. 'Start what?' Toushirou asked himself, however his question was soon to be answered. Yachiru nodded, smiling with equal excitement. She snapped her fingers and the lights went out.

"Matsumoto! What's going on?" Toushirou demanded, a little peeved that he couldn't see.

"Taichou, shh! You'll see." Matsumoto responded.

A few seconds passed then a fire was suddenly lit. When Toushirou looked closer he could see that the room had been completely remodeled. The gloomy underground hideout had been transformed into a warm and cozy living room, complete with a roasting fireplace. Near the fireplace was Yachiru sitting in an overly large recliner.

"Ne, ne, Whitey-chan! Come sit!" she chirped, waving over to the carpet where Matsumoto and Isanewere already sitting. 'When the hell did they get over there, and what happened to this place...'

"Come on, Taichou! Hurry up and sit down!" Matsumoto yelled. Toushirou sighed then sat alongside the two.

"Ano, Kusajishi-kaichou...where did everyone else go?" Isane asked. Toushirou looked around and found that Isane was right, everyone else in the the room had gone and disappeared. Yachiru giggled and shrugged.

"Oh, somewhere. I'm not sure where, though. But, I had to have them leave cuz I can't just go around showingthe contents of this here lovely book to just anyone, y'know? You're lucky you got to stay, Isa-chan!" Yachiru replied with a happy grin. Isane's eyes widened at the last part of her comment and went quiet. 'What the...? Something's seriously wrong with this organization...' Toushirou thought.

Yachiru clapped and pulled out the book again, which until then had been acting as a cushion for Yachiru's bottom.

"'Kay! We're ready to start now!" Yachiru said, pulling out a pair of pink-framed reading glasses from her hakama and placing them on the bridge of her nose. Then she slowly began opening the book. Matsumoto and Isane leaned forward in anticipation, as did Toushirou, albeit it was against his will, for some reason his body was moving on its own...

Yachiru opened the book to the first page and bent down to read it.

_**Got your mind on a particular lovely lady, my friend? **_

_**And are you having trouble getting her to notice you?**_

_**Well, look no further, you've come to the right book!**_.

_**Our award-winning series have helped millions of people, not just in the realm of love, but beyond that!**_

'There are other books for this kind of thing?' Toushirou thought absently as he listened.

_**Every book is designed to help you, the reader, find your own unique style of winning over that special woman's heart.**_

_**Place your trust in us and we'll help you until you succeed.**_

_**And finally, welcome to Romance for Retards.**_

_Clap! Clap! Clap!_

Toushirou looked over at Matsumoto and Isanewho were both clapping feverishly.

"Bravo, Bravo!" the two said in unison.

Toushirou's eyebrow twitched.

Yachiru stood up and bowed. "Thank you! Thank you! Okay, next page!"

_**Before we begin, though. Please take this quick, little quiz to determine which techinique we need to use to make her head over heels.**_

_**Question 1: Is this your first relationship?**_

_**A- Yes B- No**_

Yachiru whipped out a pink magic marker and circled A.

_**Question 2: Are you a romantic? (example: buying flowers, chocolate, etc.)**_

_**A-Yes B- No**_

Yachiru smiled and circled B, several times.

_**Question 3: Does the girl you're after think of you romantically, as a friend, or neither?**_

_**A- Romantically B- Friend C- Neither**_

The magic marker circled around C.

_**Question 4: Is this girl in a different social standing, clique, or league than you?**_

**_A- Yes B- No_**

'L-League...?'

"Ne, Ne, I've never noticed it but, Kuchiki really is in a different league than Taichou!" Matsumoto said.

"That's right! Kuchiki-san is the heiress to the Kuchiki Clan, isn't she?" Isane agreed.

'H-hey...don't talk about me like I'm not there...'

"So, it's A, right?" Yachiru asked. Both Matsumoto and Isane nodded.

"Hai! Kuchiki Rukia is in wayyyyy different league than Hitsugaya-taichou!"

'...'

_Several Questions Later..._

"Yosh! We've finally finished all of Taichou's questions!" Matsumoto sighed. Isane nodded, sighing with her.

"Those were hard...but, we're finally done! Okay so, we answered A, B, C, A, C, D, A, A, C, and finally B. Now it says to...turn to page 168." Yachiru said, turning to the specified page.

'If those question were supposed to be answered by me...why did those three answer them all instead? They didn't even ask me for my input.'

"Page 168. Got it!"

_**Wow...you're really in trouble.**_

_**To be honest the chances of you getting this girl is one in a very, very large number. **_

_**But, don't be discouraged, we have a plan for people like you.**_

'People like me?'

_**Take the book.**_

"I have the book." Yachiru said. Matsumoto and Isane nodded.

_**Throw the book away.**_

"Huh?" said Yachiru, Matsumoto, and Isane in unison.

_**I'm sorry. We can't help you. Try eHarmony. It seems to work for most people like you.**_

"e...Harmony...?" Toushirou said quietly.

"NOOOO!!! TAICHOU! I FAILED! GOMEN! GOMEN!" Matsumoto cried out.

"e...Harmony...?" Toushirou repeated. Matsumoto looked worriedly at him.

"Taichou? Are you okay?" she asked. Toushirou still didn't respond.

"...I'm leaving. Goodbye, thank you for wasting my time." he said, rising and marching off towards the exit.

"Uwuah! No! Please come back!" Matsumoto cried after him.

"Ano, Hitsugaya-taichou's getting away. What should we do, Kusajishi-kaichou?" Isane asked. Yachiru was silent. Then she got up from her chair, letting the book fall to the ground. She reached into her sleeve and pulled out a small packet, ripped it open and took out a small, green pill.

"Whitey-chan!" she shouted. Toushirou turned around at her angrily.

"WHAT?!" he shouted back. Yachiru took the pill and threw it into Toushirou's mouth and down his throat. Toushirou bent over and started coughingand choking.

"Taichou!" Matsumoto rushed over to her captain and started hitting his back. "Yachiru? What did you do?" Yachiru was silent again and stood there watching the two. Matsumoto hit Toushirou's back, trying to get whatever was lodged in her taichou's throat to come out, but to no avail. Finally after a while Toushirou's coughing fit ended, but the boy was still silent. Propped up against Yachiru's armchair, Isane and Matsumoto watched him carefully. Yachiru stood off to the side watching all three of them.

"Hitsugaya-taichou, Hitsugaya-taichou, can you hear us?" Isane gently asked. Still no response.

"TAICHOU! TAICHOU! AREYOUOKAY???? I'MSOSORRYABOUTALLTHIS!!!" Matsumoto exclaimed, her words all clumped together.

"Matsumoto-san, I don't think it's best to yell at Hitsugaya-taichou..."

"TAICHOU! TAICHOU! TAICH-" she was cut off.

**"Shut ya frikkin mouth, lady! No one wants to hear ya talk!"**a rude voice shouted back, surprisingly the voice had come from...Toushirou. Matsumoto looked apalled for a moment then suddenly worried.

"T-taichou, is that you...?" she inquired nervously to whom she believed to be her taichou. Toushirou just looked at her funnily.

**"Taichou? What the hell kinda name is that? My name is wayyy cooler than that!"**Toushirou, or whoever was speaking for him, replied.

"So..um, what is your name?" Isane asked. But, before Toushirou could answer, he was interrupted.

"His name is ." Another female shinigami entered the room.

It was Kurotsuchi Nemu.

"Hiya Nemu-chan!!" greeted Yachiru.

"Hello Kaichou-sama." replied Nemu, walking towards Toushirou and the others. She bent down to examine the taichou then looked over at her superior. "You gave him the prototype I created, didn't you?"

Yachiru shunpoed over to the group and nodded at Nemu. "Uh-huh! I figured since the book didn't work, we might as well try , right?"

"What in the world happened to me?" Toushirou asked, sounding like himself again.

"Taichou! You're back to normal!" Matsumoto cried, bringing Toushirou into a suffocating hug.

**"Mmphh! Hey lady! I can't breathe! I like your tits though!"**

"Wahhh!" Matsumoto pushed the captain away from her, hearing the stange voice. Toushirou's eyes widened after hearing the voice come out from him.

"What the hell! Did another person's voice just come out of me?!" All four heads nodded.

**"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't get so high and mighty, kid. It's my body too y'know. Well...that is until...nevermind."**The voice came again. Toushirou's hands smacked over his mouth.

"What's going on? Why is there another voice coming out of my mouth?" Toushirou asked, taking his hands off his mouth for a brief moment to talk, then covering his mouth again. Yachiru bounced onto Toushirou lap and beamed at him.

"It's simple, Whitey-chan! I just gave you a special pill-thingy that'llhelp you with Rukia! You really should be thanking me."

'Pill-thingy?' Toushirou thought.

**'Pill-thingy?! How dare she refer to me as a pill-thingy!'**

'Holy crap! You're in my thoughts too?'

**'Hmm, lemme thing...um, YEAH! My brain too, y'know...'**

'No, it isn't! Now I demand that you...er, whatever you are, leave me at once!'

**'Jeez. Calm down. You're giving us a headache.'**

'Us?!'

Nemu coughed, gaining everyone's attention. "If you'll allow me, Hitsugaya-taichou, I can explain." Matsumoto breathed a sigh of relief.

"Please."

"Well, the being inside Hitsugaya-taichou is an altered mod soul." Isane's brow creased in confusion.

"A mod soul? How can that be? Mod souls can only enter a gigai." Nemu nodded.

"Yes, but I've designed , as I aptly named him, to be able to enter and act within a body that is already occupied by a soul. He is the first of his kind. A prototype." she finished.

"Prototype? But, you have tested this...out on others, right?" Matsumoto questioned. Nemu only shook her head.

"Unfortunately, no, I haven't. The prototype was my idea and so I didn't go to my father for the research, making it so that I had limited resources to work and test with. Hitsugaya-taichou is the first to be tested with the prototype."

"But why him?"

"I gave the altered mod-soul pill to Yachiru because she had said that she knew a capable test subject. I had no idea she intended it to be for yoru captain, Matsumoto-san." Matsumoto lowered her head, not sure what to think.

Yachiru pouted at everyone's (except for Toushirou, who seemed to be having a mental argumentwith the mod soul within him) seemingly negative expressions. "Why is everyone looking so down! This is a great opportunity for both the scientific and romantically-impaired field!" she shouted. Everyone just met her with puzzled stares. "Tell 'em why it's a good thing you're here, !"

**"Uh...okay. Well, lucky for you, Toshi-whatever-your-name-is! I'm verrrrrrrrrrry talented with the ladies. In fact, when I was just a regular mod soul, my special ability was wingman-ing!"**

Again, puzzled stares.

"Ano...what's a wingman?" Isane asked. Toushirou, still in mode, looked at her in disbelief.

**"You don't know what a wingman is? Jeez, what've you been livin' under a rock or somethin? A wingman is a person that can help you out with getting the 'girl' to notice you! We go around giving advice to the guy, talking up about the person to the girl, and stuff! We're like the guardian angels of relationships!"**

"Yep! That's right, ! And your next client is Hitsugaya Toushirou!" Yachiru jumped up, pointing at said taichou.


End file.
